ineke.co.uk

So I'm standing in the Post Office queue, concentrating on keeping the gap between myself and the people in front and behind me at the right distance. The lady serving the customer at the front of the queue asks him 'For safety purposes, can I just ask what's inside the package?'

— Jenks (@TheLostBride) April 29, 2019

What the…? I just found this note in the office toilet. #Speechless pic.twitter.com/62Sr5w6iqf

— Chris Shaw (@ChrisShawEditor) April 29, 2016

Couldn't find a pound coin for the trolley so I used a Milky Bar Button instead.
I'm a genius pic.twitter.com/WjSC9bNhMA

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 29, 2016

If someone puts down a +4 card, you must draw 4 and your turn is skipped. You can’t put down a +2 to make the next person Draw 6. We know you’ve tried it. #UNO pic.twitter.com/wOegca4r0h

— UNO (@realUNOgame) May 4, 2019

How painful is childbirth? @piersmorgan finds out the hard way! 😣

C'mon Piers! You can do it! #PushPiersPush pic.twitter.com/RnsZ2WXKAl

— Good Morning Britain (@GMB) May 8, 2019

12 ways to divide the USA pic.twitter.com/Kb4P9voNA5

— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) May 1, 2019

A previous layer of London bursting out of a pot hole at London Bridge Station #PhysicalCity pic.twitter.com/7nwhCI6GJ8

— Roy Stephenson (@RoyStephenson) May 3, 2019

Regional Giraffe patterns #Map #Maps #Terriblemaps #TerribleMap #giraffe #Africa pic.twitter.com/LGeevSnqsQ

— Terrible Maps (@TerribleMaps) May 5, 2019

FUN GAME: Find a kid on a bus that looks a bit like you. Convince them you're their future self. Utter a vague, but terrifying warning. Leave.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) May 6, 2019

I’m not one to judge but that’s a terrible name for the #royalbaby pic.twitter.com/LLAEoHncqR

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 6, 2019

crying with laughter that masterchef’s Gregg Wallace comments on every pic his wife posts on insta demanding she print it.

SO many questions. Is she actually printing them?? What’s he doing with all these prints?? pic.twitter.com/5XiE4GWJ7A

— Hannah Thompson (@HLThompson93) May 6, 2019

Just wait till they name him Simon! 🤣

— Danulous J 🌈 (@DanielJUK) May 6, 2019

The Duke of Sussex announces his wife has given birth to a baby boy.

Follow the latest on the #royalbaby here: https://t.co/8KSPsa3ufS pic.twitter.com/xE4qo9Ct3v

— Sky News (@SkyNews) May 6, 2019

Pavewalk. Or is that more of a boys name? Sidement? Yeah, that’s it, ‘Sidement Royal.’ https://t.co/QHj1JGtZmZ

— chris o'dowd (@BigBoyler) May 6, 2019

Has science gone too far‽ A möbius loop made from an odd number of cogs. Which means all the directions mesh! https://t.co/PaM2QAqHgF pic.twitter.com/qnbzcY6nFS

— Matt Parker (@standupmaths) May 7, 2019

In April 2019, renewable sources created more energy in the US than coal for the first time ever.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 7, 2019

Why am I being optimistic. This is a form of self harm surely?

— Joe Henegan (@Joe_Henegan) May 7, 2019

I’m amazed that the woman who said there’d be no snap election then called one, who said she’d help the victims of Grenfell and Windrush then didn’t, who said she’d take us out of the EU on 29th March then didn’t, has said there’ll be EU elections after she said there wouldn’t be

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) May 7, 2019

*Sees #DavidAttenborough is trending*

*Panics*

*Holds back tears*

*Panics some more*

*Tentatively looks at hashtag through fingers*

*Sees it’s his birthday*

*Exhales in relief* pic.twitter.com/UamrTsKraM

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 8, 2019

Myers-Briggs is astronomy for Christians https://t.co/vDwy06J4LJ

— Mary Davenport (@mad_davenport) May 7, 2019

Diamond is one of the hardest known substances, but diamonds will shatter if hit with a hammer. Hardness is only the measure of how difficult a material is to scratch, toughness is how resistant it is to breaking or fracturing.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 9, 2019

Prince Archie has been alive for 3 days and on 2 of those, English teams have pulled off some of the greatest results in our country's European football history. Would it be too bold to suggest we make him king now?

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) May 8, 2019

Royal transition in making America Great (Britain) Again:
– Prince Harry marries an American
– They have baby Archie
– Archie gets dual citizenship
– Make him King
– Have him elected as US President
– USA is once again ruled by an English King#royalbaby pic.twitter.com/osh7seX8jC

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) May 8, 2019

Some day surely everyone will decorate their tarts with a double pendulum…? pic.twitter.com/pQoYKdXviD

— Ian Cumming (@iancpix) May 8, 2019

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

— Bargain Hunters (@Bargains90) May 9, 2019

Edvard Grieg wrote 'In The Hall of the Mountain King' as a satire of terrible music and said he could barely stand to hear it. It is now one of his most played and best remembered pieces.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 10, 2019

'The Brexit Party' is a terrifyingly brilliant piece of rebranding. People will walk into voting booths, think Europe, see Brexit, vote for it. By doing so they're not voting for Brexit, but for Nigel. Awful.

Dont @ me. People are easily manipulated. That's what marketing is.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) May 10, 2019

Nigel Farage on Question Time for the 34th time on Thursday is ok but Heidi Allen on #HIGNFY on Friday isn’t. Interesting decision.

— Andy Wheatley (@Andy_Wheatley) May 10, 2019

Forgot the golden rule of Twitter there for a moment. If you want to keep your sanity, never tweet about something you actually know about.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 10, 2019

That Simon Cowell Barclaycard advert is utterly incomprehensible.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 11, 2019

Happy #Caturday pic.twitter.com/YPp5pXkp0q

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 11, 2019